Where The Heck Am I?
by nolongerliving
Summary: Now, you've heard of Bloody Mary, she kills people when she comes out of the mirror. Well, Edward and Alphonse come out of the TV the same way. They must fulfill the legend...What will become of him, and the three girls who brought him to our world?
1. Chapter 1: Just For Fun

**Okay, this story was inspired by a true writer. Not me, someone else. I hope you like it, please, don't blame me for my grammer. I just started learning English when I moved to America. Okay? I(heart) Ed. Oh, and if you've read "Edward and Ari" This isn't the same Ari, I'm Ari. Kisses.**

**Disclaimer- No, I don't own FMA**

**Chapter1- Just for fun**

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It was a rainy Thursday night, FullMetal Alchemist was about to come on. Ashley, Maria, and Ari were all sitting on bean bags, eating candy and playing poker, anxiously waiting for their favorite show to come on.

"Ashely, what did you do last night?" Ari asked, betting three skittles. A smirk spread across Ashley's face. She cleared her throat. "Well, I went to Wal-Mart, and there was his bear, right? Well, I went up to it and I go, 'Do you kill people?' and then it goes, 'only when I get can get out of the box' " The three girls fell over laughing. (This really happened, the bear thing) "Anyhoo, after I said that, I go,' are you going to kill people tonight', and after awhile it said, 'I know where you sleep' Then, my cousin got one of those demon bears. Well,I was holding it and I said, 'Are you going to kill us?' then it goes, 'Maaaaaaybe' and then I picked up a toy knife and siad, 'Bring it Bear!"

Ari laughed and said, "That's nothing! You know those dolls that are guys and they compliment you? Well, me and Maria saw one of those and she picked it up and it goes, 'I've been thinking about you all day, and I said, I've been thinking about you too...They were naughty thoughts" Ari smiled and blushed. "Oh! In your face!" Maria yelled out of nowhere. Everyone looked at her. "Uhh, I mean...All in" She stuttered. "I take it" Ari said, pushing her stack in the middle. "Flip em'" Ashley said. "Well, looks like Ari won with a royal flush...Maria you had a pair of twos"

"Okay I-" She was cut off. The words "ready steady can't hold me back...Ready steady gimme good luck" could be heard in the background, and everyone threw down everything they had and all turned their atention to Full Metal Alchemist. "Ed is so hot, I wish I could meet him" Ari said, admiring him as he ran in the background when Roy, Riza, and Maes showed up on the screen. "Ari, you're such a sap, Roy is the hot one!" Ashley said, getting a dreamy look on her face, and then she started to drool a bit. "Eww! I hate Roy! DIE DIE!!!!!!!!" Maria yelled. Everyone turned to her stunned. "That's nice..." Ari said, turning back around to look at the screen.

"Episode: Theory of the Avarice" Al said as the transmutation circle shined. They all leaned on the very edge of their chairs, subconsciensly shoving popcorn, gum, and who knows what else in their mouths. "I've seen this episode" Ari said, repeating every line spoken, word for word. "No dip!" Ashley said, "You own all the Mangas and the DVD's" Ari shook her head. "Nu-uh, they aren't all out yet, I still have yet to see Brotherhood...Ohh! This is my favorite part!!!"

She squealed, laughing at Greed, and repeating Ed's last line before commercial. "Don't Worry, I'm always ready when I'm...Pissed!" Ari yelled, pretending to have an auto mail arm and actually attacking. She smacked into the TV.

"Oops..." She said, rubbing her sore elbow. "Idiot!" Maria said, laughing. Ashley just laughed and offered her some more candy. "You know, I'm gonna go write on Fanfiction!" Ari said, rushing to her computer to write during commercial. "Oh, I got another review from WinglessRain...she says my grammer is painfully terrible. How rude!" Ashley nodded. "That is mean! How dare her!" Maria glared. "Ya' know, you'd think that if she hates it so much, she would stop stalking you and stop flaming your stories. Maybe, she's secretly jealous because you're a better writer" They all laughed.

"Hey, it's on!" Ari yelled in a panic, rushing to watch her Ed fight Greed. They all watched and after every dramatic scene there were a series of Oohs! and Ahhs! After the show was over, Maria made an announcment. "Hey, guys, you know how they say if you spin three times and say bloody mary, she comes out and kills you? What if... What if we circled three tiems and said-" "Hell no!" Ashley said, holding a pillow to her face. Maria glared. "Can I finish now?" Ashley nodded. "Anyhoo," Maria continued, "What if we circle three times and say, "Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric"? What do ya say?" Ashley laughed, "Like that will work!" Ari nodded and said, "Let's do it, can't know unless you try!"They all circled and chanted the names, and when nothing happened, they went to sleep.

Little did they know who they would wake up to meet.

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**Nah, I don't like cliff hangers so I wont give any. Hope you liked it, I tried hard to make it good.**

**Sorry so short.**


	2. Chapter 2: Who Are YOU?

**Okay! yay, I'm writing again. Dorry my updates take a little long sometimes. Usually they don't. Oh well, enjoy the story!**

**Disclaimer- No, I sadly do not own FMA, but I do own this story so HA!**

**Chapter 2- Who are YOU?**

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There was a buzzing all around a room, and it sounded off the walls. Three girls irritatedly opened their eyes and looked around. "Morning Ashley" Maria said, wiping her eyes. Ashley nodded. "Morning Ari" They both said. Ari grunted and turned over to go back to sleep. "Ashley, scoot over! Why are you so close!" Ari whined. "Um, Ari, I'm on the other side of the room with Maria" She said. "Then...Who is this?" Ari actually opened her eyes and looked over. There were two people sleeping on her side. Ariona squealed and jumped up and ran over to Maria and Ashley. 

"What's wrong?!" Maria and Ashley both said at once. They were busy getting their clothes out of their bags and not really paying attention. "And why are you awake? This is a first. Maybe you'll stop being an hour late to school from now on" Ashley joked. Ari looked at the other two girls with a panic stricken face. "Ashley, Maria, there are _guys_ in my room, on my floor, wearing boxers!" Her eye started twitching a little and she looked like she was about to go running out the door with her arms on fire.

"What do you mean?," Ashley said walking over. "Don't you think it's-" She stopped dead in her tracks as one of the guys turned over in his sleep and scratched his head. "Is that...? Am I _insanse!"_ Ashley collaspsed to the floor. "Oh come on you two, don't think I'm going to fall for your morning drama jokes" Maria walked over and began prodding one of them with her foot. "What is this? A bunch of pillows? It's really convincing, I must say, go to all the trouble for nothing though" Maria began jabbering that it was so conivincing, but she wasn't fooled, and how superior she was, and BLAH BLAH BLAH. Ari twitched and coughed. "That- that's a real..." She choked on her words.

Maria laughed. "What're the pillows gonna do? Get up and start walking?" She scoffed. Suddenly, the blonde haired 'so- called- pillow' got up and then his eyes widened, along with Maria's. The darker haired one then got up and grunted as he walked to go get coffee in the kitchen. The blonde one, however, did something different.

"Who, who the hell are you?!" He said. Ari ran up to him. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM? You...You ugly disgusting...! You _perverts!_" Ari yelled. Ashley looked at Ari in amazement. Ari had never raised her voice before. It was new. "Now hold up Ari! You're getting a little too worked up! Just leave the perverts alone" Ashley said. It was quite obvious the dark haired one was not very quick with reactions because, well, after he had his second cup of coffee, then did he realize the ordeal. "Hey, Brother! Where the hell are we? Did we get drunk and end up in someone's house again? HOLY CRAP! ED, LETS HOPE WE DIDN'T MARRY THE SISTERS AGAIN!" Al began searching his hands for signs of a wedding ring, or any 'love' type stuff.

"Uhh, Al, I think these girls kidnapped us!" Ed shrieked. Ari rolled her eyes. Maria scoffed. Ashley sat there in confusion. "We kidnapped you?! How are we sure you didn't like, drug us and like, take us to your house! I mean, where are we! None of my surroundings are familiar!" Ari shrieked. Ashley spoke up. "Uhh, Ari, that's impossible, we're in your room. See? See that? Huh? Do ya' ?" Ari stopped running around like an idiot and confronted Ed.

"Okay, how'd you get here! Who the heck are you?!" She screamed. Thank the lord her mother wasn't home, and honestly didn't care if she was with fifty boys. She wasn't like that though, but thank goodness! The blonde looked at her.

"Edward Elric" He stated.

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**There. I made it a teeny bit longer. Right now I'm listening to spiderwebs by no doubt. Oh, and Ed and Al nver did any 'bad' things, they just got drunk once and woke up married. They never saw to who, but they had the rings and paperwork. Neither were kissed or anything, and if you thought that, you need help! Love ya'll, thanks Maria and Agent0000. I love you all! I do!!!!!!! Oh, and sorry about my spelling, I don't have spell check, and I'm lazy. REVIEW OR I"LL POKE YOU WITH A POINTY TOOTHPICK!**


	3. Chapter 3: Poof!

**Ages:**

**Maria: 14**

**Ashley: 14**

**Ed: 14**

**Al: 13**

**Heya! Hope yur likin' the story...I think I have writer's block...**

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There was stunned silence all around 14 year old Ari's room on a Saturday morning. 

"You...? You're Ed? Edward Elric? The guy I dream about?" Ari asked, not quite believing, she couldn't really tell it was him because he had bed head. Hate to tell it to ya, but your hair ain't wavy and beautiful all the time. The blonde nodded, a little freaked out by Ari's open mindedness. Ari's face brightened.

"Then that changes EVERYTHING!" She squealed. "Okay, let's go get started on the wedding plans!" She said, dragging him to her scarp booking stuff with all that crafts and stupid girly stuff.

"Wait! Wait!" Ed protested, but Ari was too busy showing him how she wants her wedding dress, and what type of shimmering peach she wants the cake to be and more stupid girly stuff. Ed sighed.

"Ari?" Ashley said, a little freaked out by Ari's sudden girliness, Ari was anti- girly. She even started the PAS program. Preps Are Stupid. Even KAP. Kill All Preps. It was disturbing like when you see two people making out, it's scary, disturbing, but you can't look away. Ashley and Maria slowly moved Ari away from Ed as she jabbered on about peaches and stuff.

"We are so sorry!" They said. Ari looked around. "Where did Ed go? How did I get here?" She shrugged and went to her closet to pick out her outfit for the day. She came out and went into her bathroom. She lives in a really nice home, better than mine. Has her own bathroom. Sweet huh? Anyways. She came back out and grabbed a towel. She looked at Ed. "Oh my GOD! It's Edward Elric!" She ran over to him and then stopped. "Oh, I'm just dreaming. But...What happened to your white horse? And...and where's your wavy long hair and my chocolates and roses? Am I having a nightmare?!" She began running in circles then stopped. "Whatever" She went back into her bathroom and got into the shower. Ashley and Maria were beyond freaked out. They were mortified. They were also embaressed. Then, it hit them. Why weren't they running over and huging the life out of Ed? Oh yeah, self dignity.

Edward was just staring at the closed bathroom door. "Okay..." He said, feeling awkward. Everyone was staring at him expectantly now. What did they want? He glared at them.

"What do you want? Darn it! Quit staring at me!" He turned around. "No matter what I do I can still feel the burn of your penetrating eyes!" Ed said, running out of the room and going to get some coffee.

Now Alphonse was scared. "Okay, I STILL HAVE NO CLUE OF WHERE THE HECK I"M AT!" He yelled. Then, everyone just fell over laughing. Ashley grabbed Al's arm and sat him down at Ari's japenese coffee table.

"You're behind the gate again...We kinda...poofed! You guys out of the TV" She said. Then she put her hands in the air. "Poof!" Al looked at her. Twitched. Blinked. "Poofed?" He asked. She put her hands up again. "Poof!"

Then Ed came back in, a cup of coffee in his hand. "Okay, what did I miss?" He asked, taking a sip.

"Poof!" Al said. Ed twitched. Coughed. "Poof?" Maria laughed. Al out his hand to his mouth to smell his breath. "Jeez, I'm still not sure whether or not we got drunk, or if I'm dreaming or somethng...my breath doesn't _smell_ like beer" He just sat there muttering to himself, saying stuff like, "Maybe there was a hint of scotch, whiskey maybe?" He kept smelling his breath. Ashley shook her head. Idiot. She thought. Ed walked over to the computer.

"What's this?" He asked, reading the writing. He began to read it outloud.

"Edward put his hand on her leg and leaned forward to...WHO THE HECK WROTE THIS?" He began blushing fiercly. "This is! This is just _sick!_" He backed away frm the computer as if it were something dirty. Ashley and Maria began giggling. That too was rare. They don't do the gigglepuff thing. Suddenly, there was a horrible noise coming from Ari's bathroom.

"I'M ROLLING! THEY HATIN'! PATROLLIN' TRYIN' TO CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY!"

Everyone plugged their ears to try to muffle the horrific sound, but it didn't help.

"MY MUSIC, SO LOUD, I'M SWANGIN! I KNOW THEY HOPIN' THAT THEY GOIN' CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY! TRYING TO CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY! TRYIN' CATCH ME RIDIN' DIRTY!" Ari was obviously singing. If she starts to open her mouth to sing, you should run away. far away.

After about five more minutes of the deadly singing, she got out with nothing but a towel on.

Ed, being a horny disgusting male teenager, wouldn't stop staring. Ari looked at him confused.

"Omigosh! It's Ed!" She yelled, running to hug him. Sadly, her towel slipped.

There were shrieks all aound the room. Edward just stared.

Ari screamed and pulled her towel up. ( Everyone, this is just because I have writer's block! I'm not a sick cruel person! Well, except when I'm torturing Ed!)

"Pig!" She yelled, running to her closet to put her clothes on. Ashley and Maria looked at Ed in shame. He was so perverted! Nobody,, however, took the time to look at Al. I won't reveal to you guys what he did. It was what caused the shrieking. Well, yeah I will. He touched Ari's butt. Happy now?!!?!?!!

"What?" Ed said, blushing, much darker red now. Al was cracking up in his little corner where no one could notice him.

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**Sorry, it may be pretty bad, I have writer's block! But I knew I must update!!!!! I got me 5 reviews!!!!! Wee! Now, I must have more reviews! If I don't get at least 3 more for this chappie, I shall never write anymore!!!!!!!!!!!! So Review! Pwease????? Oh, and I'm having fun torturing Ed and Al. It's quite fun. You should try, the amusement is just utterly delicious!!! Tee hee!**


	4. Chapter 4: Conditions Conditions!

**Well, just got back from taking candy from little kids, and then throwing it at them. No, not really! I was trick or treating! Wee! You're never too old to enjoy candy, I dont care what you say! Okay, I'm freezing now though, I was like, in fish nets in 40 degree weather! Oh welll! On with le story**

**Disclaimer- Don't owm fma, but I do own the love me and Ed share! All ed loving girls, don't hurt me!**

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After Ari had run into the closet, Ashley walked up to Ed.

"So, pervert, you got something with little girls? Obcessions? Do you have those creepy dreams at night? What kind of person are you?" She said, furious that her idol was such a...a guy! Ed just stared blankly at her. Then he looked up at her, and frowned. "I don't have wet dreams if that's what you're asking. I don't have obcessions, if I did something to offend her, then it was obviously for a reason. It's not my fault she reacted that way. Besides, I'm not the one who touched her butt" He shrugged, leaning back into a green chair he was sitting on. Ashley curled her lip at him, and turned to Maria who was comforting Ari through the closet door.

"Ariona, it's alright, if he touches you again, kick in between the legs so hard, his back breaks. I know you're capable, rememeber that one time we were at Kings Island and that old bald man wouldn't stop dancing by us and then the funky music would turn on? And also how he kept stalking us? Then, you kicked him in the balls and he screamed 'my hip!' and he fell over, and the music finally stopped, and now he's paralyzed. Do you rememeber that?" Suddenly, an old man in a wheel chair rolled out in front of them all, and started rolling back and forth to music.

Ari screamed. "It's the old disco dude!" She jumped out of the closet, and kicked him in the stomach many many times.

He died. There, ha! No more creepy old bald white man on the Kings Island commercial! Ari brushed herself off, and walked over to her friends. She nodded to both Ashley and Maria, a sign of thanks. Then, with great happiness, walked over to Al and slapped him. Al frowned. "Hey! Only when I'm drunk am I allowed to be hit on! If I'm not, then I feel so used and violated!" Al sat back in his chair with a thud. Finally, Ari stepped over the dead body of the creepy old dancing man, and her eyes rested on Ed.

Ed sighed, knowing misery was coming. "Edward, I forgive you..." His hopes lifted. "On one condition..."

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**Cliffie! Okay, there we goes, review and I'll write the next part, if i don't get at least 6 reviews, I'll delete the story! HAHS! So review, or me and my pointy toothpick are coming to get you! I know it was a kinda rushed chappie, but I gots a major head ache, and a major fever of 103 degrees!**


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